


california dreaming

by annie_writes



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, los angeles arc, they jus kiss and talk about feelings a little, this is impossibly soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 06:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30135372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annie_writes/pseuds/annie_writes
Summary: "What did you want to talk about?" Eiji's soft voice pulled Ash back to reality, and he was suddenly at a loss. He knew he wanted to apologize, wanted to ask him to stay, wanted to profess his love for him, but...He couldn't.So he kept staring into those big, beautiful eyes, a flush rising in his face, as Eiji stared right back, perplexed. He didn't say anything, waiting patiently for Ash to continue, but a flush started to form on his own cheeks, given their proximity and Ash's soft expression.---Things left unsaid.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	california dreaming

**Author's Note:**

> this takes place the night of when Ash tells Eiji to leave the next day while they're in LA lowkey im unsure of the timeline ive read the manga like 3 times but ignore any issues with continuity of canon just pretend they actually have a night before LOL

Eiji had been avoiding Ash the entire evening. Ash didn't blame him.

The digital clock created a soft green glow, contrasting against the cold blue light of the moon streaming in through the windows. It was a little past midnight, Ash noted. Everyone else had turned in for the night, leaving a slightly tipsy Ash by himself to sulk, debating on taking another shot of whiskey or not.

He hurt Eiji. That much was clear, at least. Eiji didn't exactly wear his heart on his sleeve, often opting for trying to keep an optimistic smile on his face for everyone else's sake. When Ash told him he was a burden, however, his honest emotions broke through for a moment, the only sound cutting through the silence being the ocean waves. 

The blonde knew he had cut Eiji where it hurt, and with full intention, yet at the same time knew it had to be done. Of course, Ash knew he wasn't exactly the best person in the first place, but he _loved_ Eiji. Even if he didn't mean what he said, he knew that Eiji was hurting because of _him_. The brunette obviously struggled with self-worth, and even as he silently agreed with Ash, true despair was set in those beautiful eyes, brimming with unshed tears.

Ash poured his glass of whiskey down the sink and checked the time again. It was now nearing one in the morning, and Ash was wide awake. _So much for trying to get drunk and forget_ , Ash mused, the smell of whiskey making him feel slightly ill. He hadn't even noticed how white his knuckles were, clutching the sides of the sink, before reaching to turn on the tap and splashing some water into his face. 

Clarity as clear as water hit him, and Ash stood straight up, running a hand through his hair. He needed to talk to Eiji before he left. Moreso, he needed to tell him how he really felt.

He loved him.

Ash doubted Eiji was still awake, but wandered down the carpeted hallway towards where he was crashed, floorboards creaking along the way. Just as he reached out to softly knock on the door, it opened, and Eiji was standing in the doorway.

"O-Oh, hey..." Eiji quickly looked away. "I was just going to stretch my legs." 

In the dim lighting of the hallway, Ash could barely see Eiji's expression, mostly obscured by the shadows cast by his own silhouette. Ash swallowed.

"What a coincidence." Ash sighed, nervously running a hand through his hair yet again. What was with him? Words usually came to Ash easily, but at this moment, he was unable to make a sound. 

"Ash? Is something wrong?" Eiji asked, voice low. Ash risked a glance back towards the brunette and was caught off guard by locking eyes with Eiji's round, soft eyes, full of concern. _Why the hell is he concerned about me? I'm the one that hurt him,_ Ash argued internally. _I hate this._

"No, it's fine. I just wanted to talk to you." Ash didn't break eye contact as he found himself drawn into the comfort of Eiji's gaze, beautiful and yet heartbreaking. 

"You were drinking," Eiji stated simply, tilting his head. God, Ash just wanted to reach out and run a hand through Eiji's fluffy hair, he was so cute. He restrained himself.

"Yeah. I'm not drunk though, don't worry." Ash replied bluntly, finally breaking eye contact. Eiji hummed nonjudgmentally, yet concerned all the same. Dear, sweet Eiji was concerned with _him,_ despite all the hurt he had caused him in the last 24 hours, the last weeks, how much he was the one in need of comfort. Ash wanted to throw up. However, he continued.

"Can I come in?" Ash's voice wavered slightly, and Eiji nodded, soft hair bouncing as he did so. Ash gulped a little loudly as Eiji turned around, walking further into the room to make space for Ash to enter, closing the door quietly behind them. 

The room was decorated with old furniture, knick-knacks of maritime aesthetic, and the likes. Eiji gently reached over to turn on a lamp, the room filling with a soft, yellow light. This was when Ash saw Eiji for the first time that night, and had to stop himself from reacting to the obvious tear stains on his cheeks. _He was crying because of me._

"What did you want to talk about?" Eiji's soft voice pulled Ash back to reality, and he was suddenly at a loss. He knew he wanted to apologize, wanted to ask him to stay, wanted to profess his love for him, but...

He couldn't.

So he kept staring into those big, beautiful eyes, a flush rising in his face, as Eiji stared right back, perplexed. He didn't say anything, waiting patiently for Ash to continue, but a flush started to form on his own cheeks, given their proximity and Ash's soft expression.

"Ash?" Eiji prompted again. Ash almost flinched, snapped out of his reverie, and finally looked away, opting to glance out the moonlight-washed window.

"I just... I didn't want to leave it like this." Ash began, becoming interested in the ways the trees swayed slightly outside in the breeze instead of the tense air in the room. "I didn't want to leave us like this." 

"What do you mean?" Eiji asked, looking down to gently fidget with the hem of his shirt with his soft hands. He still hadn't changed out of the clothes he had been wearing that day, Ash noted, assuming that Eiji hadn't even thought of sleep up to this point yet. He felt his heart clench.

"I think you know what I mean." Ash lowered his voice, trying not to let his own nervousness show. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Eiji's ears flushed pink, looking back up at Ash through his long, dark eyelashes. 

"About what you said to me?" The brunette got to the point quickly, though his expression changed to that of a kicked puppy. "You're right, you know. I don't have any worth here. It was selfish of me to think I could stay with you."

"No, see, that's exactly what I'm talking about." Ash quickly said, ignoring the way his heart skipped a beat at the way Eiji referred to him directly, rather than the idea of staying in the country. "I do want you here, but you need to understand that you have to leave. And I just didn't want to leave anything left unsaid, I guess." 

"I-It's okay." Eiji's hands trembled slightly where he was still gently clutching the hem of his shirt, no doubt fighting back tears. "I understand why you said the things you said. I just-" he loudly swallowed. "I don't know how to confront my own feelings either," he added quietly.

"Your own...? Eiji, are you..." Ash's eyes widened as he looked down at the brunette, who met his stare with that passionate, stubborn look he wore so often. 

"Ash." Eiji sighed softly, eyebrows drawn together. They held each other's gaze for a pregnant moment, as Ash began to feel another kind of tension between them, something entirely new yet not foreign. Before he knew what he was doing, he leaned down to gently press his lips to Eiji's. 

A soft gasp escaped Eiji's lips, and Ash pulled back for a second, afraid he had crossed a line. Eiji, however, responded immediately by crashing his lips back against Ash's, clumsy with inexperience but passionate all the same. Ash quickly took lead in the kiss, Eiji's mouth soft and pliant against his. By the time they finally pulled apart, Eiji looked completely dazed, never having been kissed before save for the message transfer from Ash in the weeks prior. This was entirely new to him, and he was completely out of his element. Ash quickly took notice of Eiji's expression, and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, chaste and tender.

"You okay?" Ash asked, finding his voice coming out in a rasp. Eiji quickly nodded, seemingly brought out of his daze, to which Ash gently pressed a kiss to the brunette's forehead. Eiji shivered against him, the movement feeling like static electricity between them. Ash finally met his lips again, this time with an almost desperation, placing his hands on Eiji's slim waist. Eiji's hands hovered in the air for a second, unsure of what to do, before finding purchase around Ash's shoulders. 

As the kiss deepened, and Ash himself began to feel a little lightheaded, he gently pushed Eiji back toward the bed until the brunette's thighs hit the mattress. Eiji's eyes suddenly widened, and Ash paused and pulled back again, searching for permission in those doe eyes, before Eiji smiled softly and pulled Ash backward onto the bed with him. 

A soft laugh bubbled from Eiji's throat as Ash somewhat ungracefully climbed over him, straddling his waist, and Ash didn't know he could love Eiji any more than he already had. Being with Eiji felt like just being human, a couple of emotional youths overcome with heightened emotions of young love. Ash used his weight to fully press himself into the smaller boy's frame, trailing kisses all across his flushed and smiling face. Eiji giggled again as Ash began to kiss down his jaw, yet his soft laughs quickly turned to gentle gasps as Ash moved further down to leave kisses down his sensitive neck. He smiled against Eiji's neck slightly as he felt Eiji's short fingernails digging into his shoulders, egging him on. With a smirk, he turned more aggressive, marks beginning to blossom all over the expanse of Eiji's neck and shoulders. Eiji was completely melted under him, shuddering breaths the only indication that he was still attached to reality at the moment. As he left one final, chaste kiss against Eiji's collarbone, Ash leaned back to look back up at Eiji, and immediately froze. 

Eiji was trembling, small tears blossoming in the corners of his bright, beautiful eyes. 

"Oh- Oh my god Eiji, my Eiji, are you okay?" Ash started to get up, but Eiji gently reached out and cupped his face, smiling softly.

"I am sorry, Ash. I do not know how to express this, but I'm just so happy right now." He sighed gently. "These are happy tears, and I'm just so full of emotions."

"Eiji..." Ash pressed his forehead against Eiji's, feeling happy tears beginning in his own eyes. "Do you want to keep going? No pressure, but I can teach you how-"

"I think I just want to stay like this." Eiji smiled, eyes shining. Ash nodded, fully letting himself relax against Eiji's scrawny frame, cupping the brunette's face in his hands.

"Of course, Eiji. I'd stay like this forever, if we could." Ash said quietly, gently pressing another chaste kiss to the corner of Eiji's mouth. 

"Can we pretend for tonight?" Eiji asked. "I want to remember the happiness I'm feeling right now. Forever. I want to remember you like this. Us like this." 

Ash rested his head against Eiji's shoulder, a sense of peace overcoming any other emotions he had been feeling. He wanted to pretend that they could be a normal pair of lovers, able to wake up softly tangled in each other's arms each morning. Tomorrow, though, Eiji was going back home, and Ash would likely die before they could meet again. Banishing the thought, Ash replied, "Of course." 

Eventually, the morning came.

He had forgotten to tell him he loved him.

**Author's Note:**

> go check out my tumblr my names annie and i like to yell https://www.tumblr.com/blog/deimosatellite


End file.
